It’s easy to build walls to shut people out. The error I always make is letting people in. It’s like when I try to build my wall I choose sticks instead of bricks and mortar.
Someone told me that I’m “too nice.” Well if you read my last blog about being emotional, then you would know that I am well aware of this trait. I am who I am and although I am aware of this so-called “weakness,” it is something that I cannot change. It’s hard to erase over 25 years of habit just because you have had a few bad years…
When I was a young girl I was watching a movie with my mom. I’m not sure exactly what was going on in the movie, but something caused me to cry. When I asked my mother why I was sad and why I was crying, she responded with: “well Jenna, every time you cry, your heart makes room to put more happiness and love inside of it.” So you see folks, I was a sensitive child as well and from my mother’s kind words, I began to accept the fact that it is okay to cry. Thanks Mom.
I have noticed that I am beginning to get stronger in my relationship endeavors…or maybe I am just growing cold. I don’t even want to date anymore! I’m tired of hurting and being led on; I’m tired of getting my hopes up in all of the lies that are fed to me. My Father tells me not to have a closed heart nor to build walls. “If you close your heart, you may never know what great things, relationships, and love lie ahead of you,” he says. For that, I have forced myself to try all options and continue walking down this thing called life with eyes wide open. Thanks Dad.
So curse you Eros for failing me at love and making me stray from the people who may really be good for me! However, I refuse to settle for anything less than wild, passionate, loyal, soulful love.
And for this Eros, I still give you hope.