Curse You Eros!

I don’t build walls to keep people out. I build them to see who loves me enough to climb over it.” -unknown

It’s easy to build walls to shut people out.  The error I always make is letting people in.  It’s like when I try to build my wall I choose sticks instead of bricks and mortar. 

Someone told me that I’m “too nice.” Well if you read my last blog about being emotional, then you would know that I am well aware of this trait. I am who I am and although I am aware of this so-called “weakness,” it is something that I cannot change.  It’s hard to erase over 25 years of habit just because you have had a few bad years…

When I was a young girl I was watching a movie with my mom. I’m not sure exactly what was going on in the movie, but something caused me to cry. When I asked my mother why I was sad and why I was crying, she responded with: “well Jenna, every time you cry, your heart makes room to put more happiness and love inside of it.” So you see folks, I was a sensitive child as well and from my mother’s kind words, I began to accept the fact that it is okay to cry. Thanks Mom.

I have noticed that I am beginning to get stronger in my relationship endeavors…or maybe I am just growing cold.  I don’t even want to date anymore! I’m tired of hurting and being led on; I’m tired of getting my hopes up in all of the lies that are fed to me.  My Father tells me not to have a closed heart nor to build walls. “If you close your heart, you may never know what great things, relationships, and love  lie ahead of you,”  he says.  For that, I have forced myself to try all options and continue walking down this thing called life with eyes wide open.  Thanks Dad.

So curse you Eros for failing me at love and making me stray from the people who may really be good for me! However, I refuse to settle for anything less than wild, passionate, loyal, soulful love.
And for this Eros, I still give you hope.



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3 responses to “Curse You Eros!

  1. Your dad sounds like a smart guy, you are even smarter (and unusual to listen to him!).

    Give it time, there is no rush. This is something from Winnie The Pooh:

    Now the Hundred Acre Wood boasted many natural wonders, but none was more beautiful than a tiny stream running through the forest. This particular stream had a very long way to travel and by the time it reached the edge of the forest, it had grown up so it was almost a river. “Being grown up,” it said to itself, “there is no hurry. We shall get there someday.”

    • Thanks Robin! I love that quote from Winnie the Pooh. It’s so true, we must not be in a hurry. And I cannot say that I am in a hurry, just that I’ve been lonely without someone to share my life with over the past five years. But I have done a lot of soul searching and self discovery and I know in turn it will make me a better partner in the long run!

  2. Have no fear. Eros will be kind to you. I think we all go through that. God knows I was dealt my fair share of frogs. Be patient, it will come.

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